I’m that always writing Jew. That footnote citing Jew. That academic Jew. Scholar Jew. That thinking Jew, and let me tell you something Jew. Worker Jew. White collar Jew. That tend the flock and herder Jew. That calloused foot and hand Jew. That roam the barren sands Jew, that tills and works the land Jew. That old Jew. New Jew. That makes the desert grow Jew.

That always trying to make things just a little better Jew. At the same time don’t mind if I’m a self-centered Jew. I’m that persistence sweat it out Jew. That I made it big because I earned it Jew. That give me what I want because I know that I deserve it Jew.

That arrogant Jew. That Humble Jew. That whatever Jew I’m in the mood to be Jew, just like you. That oh yes, I’m just getting started Jew.

I’m that Israeli Jew. That Caribbean Jew. That English, Indian, Sephardic Jew. That Ashkenazi blonde-and-blue-eyed no I’m not a Shiksa Jew. New York Jew. LA Jew. Australia and Ukraine Jew. That Russian, South African, Ethiopian, and French #JeSuisJuif Jew.

That proud of being Jewish Jew. That Jesus Jew. Judas Jew. That don’t know why I’m still being persecuted Jew. Scapegoat Jew. That whenever we’re murdered you probably think we had it coming Jew. But still, not afraid to wear my Star of David Am Israel Chai Jew.

I’m that feeling the world has gone mad and damn it I want to get off Jew. That way too much horror in the news everywhere I turn Jew. That fed up with ISIS beheading Christians knife wielding suicide bombing lunatics Jew. That disgusted by Boko Haram Boston Marathon Lindt Cafe Pakistani School Children killers and I’ve had enough of radical Islam to last me a lifetime Jew. That they’re killing so many of their own but somehow we’re blamed for that too Jew. That wake up world, Jew.

I’m that you don’t want to hear this but I don’t give a damn what you think Jew. That you’re just gonna have to deal with it Jew. That bullied in high school because I was rocking a yarmulke Jew. That standing up to you Jew. That talk to the hand Jew.

I’m that Iron Dome cheering fan club where were you when the missiles were raining down on Tel Aviv Jew. That just Shalom Motherfuckered you off my Facebook page Jew. That sick of your double standards Jew. That UN today equals Useless Nations to me Jew. That will fight it out if you have a problem with me Jew. And yet – I’m that desperately wanting to live side by side in peace with you Jew. That get to know me and you’ll see we’re not so bad like they make us out to be Jew. Bingo. I’m that “who knew?” Jew.

I’m that needing to explain Jew. That let’s figure it out together Jew. That questioning Jew. The never, ever just one answer Jew. That contemplative Jew. That wild-haired genius Jew. That psychoanalytical and let me tell you something about you and your mother Jew. That never claimed to be perfect Jew.

I’m that shelf sagging with Nobel Prizes Jew. That brilliant scientist Jew. That astronaut Jew. That inventor of something that’s part of your everyday life but you don’t even know it Jew.

But I’m also that let’s laugh it up Jew. That I’m on a boat it’s good to be the king Jew. Not That There’s Anything Wrong With That, but I’m that new rules in your face, butt-kicking, sassy, sexy smart Wonder Woman Jew. That Harvard Actress Director and Princess Leia’s mother all rolled into one Jew. That Fiddler on the Roof, always performing but damn – I’m gone to soon Jew.

I’m that lox and bagel noshing Jew. That falafel and hummus eating Jew. That couscous, schnitzel, latkes and matzah ball soup Jew. I’m that only liberal democracy in the Middle East Jew. I’m that became a refugee when my ancestors were kicked out of Arab lands Jew.

I’m that political Jew. That activist Jew. That gay Jew and female rabbi Jew. That eat a Big Mac but won’t touch bacon Jew. That looking for the truth forever wandering Jew. That just want to be married under a chuppah and break a glass under my heel Jew.

I’m that Merry Christmas, Ramadan Kareem, have a good whatever you’re celebrating Jew. I’m that Hindu high-fiving, Sikh fist-bumping, Christian loving, Muslim friend-having, Buddhist and Baha’i love to get to know you better Jew.

I’m that religious jew. That secular loving my heritage Jew. That brother in arms Jew. Hero Jew. Soldier turned olive branch holding Jew. That put three bullets in my back but you won’t kill my dream Jew. That yearning for peace and I’ve never been to Israel but I’ll get there someday because it’s my homeland Jew. That almost 6000 years and I’m still standing Jew. That Hatikva singing with a tear in my eye Jew.

I’m that won’t apologise for surviving jew. That fighting for my rights Jew. That number one and number six million and every number in between Jew. That learned from what happened to us in the Holocaust Jew. That never ever again Jew.

I’m that wish there were more of us Jew. That creative Jew, business, funk and folk jew. That dancer Jew. Painter Jew. That tailor, baker, wedding singer Jew. That neurotic Jew, part Jew, let love rule and wannabe honorary Jew.

I’m that lucky father Jew. That husband to a wonderful woman Jew. That son to loving parents who worked hard so I would be happy Jew. That grandson to those who suffered so we would just make it Jew. That thanks to them, I’ve got my whole life ahead of me Jew.

I’m that everything’s got a reason for being and I’ll keep looking for the answer Jew. That writing this to all my Jewish brothers and sisters Jew. And to those who aren’t Jewish but get this and show me love – I’m that writing this to you too with utmost respect Jew.

I’m that believer that we’re going to be okay because there’s no other choice Jew. That hang in there and keep your head up Jew. That human dignity will prevail and the world is made up of decent people Jew. And that believer that the decent people will win in the end Jew.

Not a wishful thinking Jew.

Just true, Jew.



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